Learning

Trying to untangle
Fear from Intuition
Stale past hurts
from live emotion
This is the hardest task
Made a lot more complicated
by placing most importance
on a heart a few thousand miles away

Being in the moment
You dont exist
Until you surface
Then fade

Rain on my skin matters
A hand on my shoulder matters
Those conversations matter
The camping spots,
kids movies,
bicycle rides
matter and exist
while you're nowhere to be seen

This is a difficult lesson
reconciling
wanting to hear you
wanting to touch you
laugh with you, debate with you,
play with you
this much
with reality
of so very little to hold
but a hole inside me
expanding
and hurting more

I do nothing for now