Driven on by unshakeable faith
that it is possible to find the roots
of my own mental structures
and learn to navigate,
and build and perform maintenance
in an increasingly intelligent way-
I strike gold!
There is a voice inside.
It speaks of what I stand for
it fights for what matters,
for values, it is true and honest.
Occassionally it hears and sees that
what does not align with any of these.
It raises the hand and shouts
"HELLOOOOOO?!! not happy with this!
This isnt who we are!!!!"
But trained through the years
at the academy of Worthlesness
I suppress this guide
I say no this doesnt hurt,
I'll deal with it.
I say nothing.
The fear floods me
as I await the consequences.
I label the feeling "sick" and "pathological",
I convince myself I am just slightly schizophrenic.
I reject that part of me
that is the purest
and my most trustworthy friend.
And this for years, time after time...
No wonder its scared now
to speak up
frightened to get rejected
all over again.
And not by the other.
By itself!
It is a gift
that this seeing has occurred.
It is luck that the voice
has never given up.
Endurance in the face of rejection
over and over again
like
in
Love.
I invite Forgiveness.
I am completely overwhelmed
and know there is no other way
but to honour and respect
the voice within.
I will call that voice
ME.
After all these years
I stand face to face with ME.
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