Step Up or Check Out?

My Christmas wish-
to round up this self therapy
how much longer
will this go on for?
Carrying this flat sad feeling
everywhere
I know it is very real
as in- true
as in- authentic.
Is this an overseen residue?
Is this a result of too much self pressure?
Is this lack of sleep?
Is this just me?
Is this a starting point?
Is this the true beginning of work
or a sign
to put the books down
and
check out?

Nothing is like it was
and there is goodness in that
because I trust
that all is exactly as it needs to be.