Thank You Daniel, Thank You Byron Katie!

Spurred on by discord
I face another biggie...
Your constant reminders of
me being mentally ill,
unwell, broken, flawed...
I put those in your head
its just a handy time
to throw all them back at me.
So I cry and close my eyes
and I go back in
I find a monstrous
ghastly ugly thought,
a belief
that I AM fundamentally flawed
nothing I can do is right
because I am so primally wrong
a wrong doesnt make right
wrong only makes wrong
wrong decisions, wrong choices
chained to my flawed screw up
I am doomed
to continue like this
forever
She asks
is this really true?
Yes, it is true,
this is really how I fee
deep deep down in there
under everything else
then she asks
can you be absolutely sure
that this is true?

Byron Katie,
I celebrate your genuis!!!
I turn.
I am shocked.
What is true is
that I believe in my flawness
yes, that is beyond any doubt
always have
as long back as I can remember
until this very moment
but the FLAW itself...
I can not find it!!!
I can not find it!
It isnt there
back where I always believed it started
I am intact, perfect
I just am.
But now I see how A THOUGHT had started
A THOUGHT had survived
and lanscaped my inner world
fear being its most favourite tool
how much fear
a stupid amount of fear
feeding my thought...

And then she asks
while you hold that thought
what are you?
Dont trust myself
Confused
Frustrated
Scared
Indecisive
Full of doubt

And then she asks
what are you without it?

I guess I have to say
if this thought would never ever
enter me again...
Trust.
I would trust me
to know whats best for me
I would know
that I can make wholesome choices
harmonious even.
I would be more bold
at making decisions
and I would do away with doubt
or a huge chunk of it
keeping some
like a chewing gum
handy when I need to stall:)

Freedom.
I gain more freedom
as this space inside
lets go.

Thank You
You are my best teachers.