Focus

To feel her happy is my happiness
when we all give up and it is too late
he rolls in the grass and
she bursts out laughing
it is delicious- a little girls laugh
everyone is touched
everyone smiles from ear to ear
may be they even catch themselves thinking
one of those looks like fun,
one of those wouldnt be too bad after all...
And I cant stop wondering
how for all our thinking
life points us to our places
with its suggestively
concretely
insistant
finger.

Connections

On this holiday lunchtime bus
five ladies
gray hair and wrinkles
bags on wheels and
stony lifeless faces.

I worry about myself
one day
catching that bus
to get my loaf and the bottle
with my wheely bag
with life all but dead and gone out of me
an endless blur of daytime television
waiting for me at home.

There has to be a better way
to use the resources
to make the connections-
my new year's resolution.

A Case of Failed Negotiations

she thinks she needs more than shes getting
he thinks he should be exempt due to exceptional circumstances

both watch it fail

one can say they lacked love and understanding
though there isnt any evidence to support this

what do they lack???

An OMG Moment

Driven on by unshakeable faith
that it is possible to find the roots
of my own mental structures
and learn to navigate,
and build and perform maintenance
in an increasingly intelligent way-
I strike gold!

There is a voice inside.
It speaks of what I stand for
it fights for what matters,
for values, it is true and honest.
Occassionally it hears and sees that
what does not align with any of these.
It raises the hand and shouts
"HELLOOOOOO?!! not happy with this!
This isnt who we are!!!!"
But trained through the years
at the academy of Worthlesness
I suppress this guide
I say no this doesnt hurt,
I'll deal with it.
I say nothing.
The fear floods me
as I await the consequences.
I label the feeling "sick" and "pathological",
I convince myself I am just slightly schizophrenic.
I reject that part of me
that is the purest
and my most trustworthy friend.
And this for years, time after time...
No wonder its scared now
to speak up
frightened to get rejected
all over again.
And not by the other.
By itself!

It is a gift
that this seeing has occurred.
It is luck that the voice
has never given up.
Endurance in the face of rejection
over and over again
like
in
Love.

I invite Forgiveness.
I am completely overwhelmed
and know there is no other way
but to honour and respect
the voice within.
I will call that voice
ME.
After all these years
I stand face to face with ME.

Safe

Watching the mind games is fascinating:

She texts
He doesnt answer
her body is burning
it is all wrong
and then an answer comes
and as if by magic
HE has made the world a Safe place.
It stops spinning and she is safe...
But how can his words
make any difference to her equanimity???
The world is still as it is-
as safe and dangerous as a moment before
She is still as she is-
as safe or endangered as a moment before
Nobody's words can make
any difference
to REALITY.
Sticking to reality
stripping the stories we tell ourselves
when did we lose this skill?
Was it thousands of years ago
or was it thirty?

Time to remind herself:
She is safe.
Ultimately she is always safe.
Nothing can destroy her
because what is important
is indestructible
and the rest
is temporary anyway.
This is OK.
Whatever happens to her
is OK.
Reality is always OK.
Whatever happens to her
has got nothing to do
with Him
where her safety is concerned
physical, emotional or otherwise...
Poor Man.
What a burden to carry.

She is safe.
She is always safe.

To the Woman

Little girl
did you forget
that you grew up?

Once upon a time
what you wanted did not matter
frightened you might mention
an issue of contention
just by a word, a suggestion
and then wait with trepidation
for angry retaliation
from your closest relation

Is it time to break this?
Little girl,
you are all grown up now.

The world might still not care
about what you want or what you need.
But only You
can honour You.
And you have to start somewhere.

A Riddle

If everyone just looked after their own needs first
would the world be a better place or worse?
would relationships be better places or worse?
would the communication be easier or harder?
would we enlighten or go extinct?

Rain On

On the third day of rain
it drips from the wet strands of my hair
from my nose, it itches running down there
its on my lips begging to be allowed inside
On the third day of rain
it becomes beautiful in its simplicity
just drip drip dripping on my jacket
gently touching, stroking briefly
before falling away
On the third day of rain
it is allowed everywhere may be it will never leave
some ask
and what about that.
Rain on.

Control you funny thing

Safely vulnerable
unheard terminology
unknown concept
to a control obsessive

She realy likes to know
where her man is
what her man does
that he will be home every night
and washing up should be done this way
she makes her own tea
and always always carries her own bag
dont bother offering to help
that goes against her religion
of total control
noone can do it
as good as she will anyway

She will screw you over
if she can
tell you what to do and what not to bother
she might trample on a dream or two
unawares
or without care
shes got you where she wants you
if thats what you're into...

But one day she will wake
with the feelings of hate
for you and your weakness
and herself
in her unfulfilled life
true intimacy
still just a concept
many tears away

Safely vulnerable
the doctor prescribed
after apology
after amends
after surrender

It is like being born again
learning the rules
she trips and falls
daily
inching forwards
towards...

Step Up or Check Out?

My Christmas wish-
to round up this self therapy
how much longer
will this go on for?
Carrying this flat sad feeling
everywhere
I know it is very real
as in- true
as in- authentic.
Is this an overseen residue?
Is this a result of too much self pressure?
Is this lack of sleep?
Is this just me?
Is this a starting point?
Is this the true beginning of work
or a sign
to put the books down
and
check out?

Nothing is like it was
and there is goodness in that
because I trust
that all is exactly as it needs to be.

I miss me

This is true-
when I'm in London
in my head
I miss me
and it hurts.
I feel abandoned
alone and lonely-
as I am!
Sending I love you I love you I love you
to you
I forget
to send an I love you
to me.
Wanting so much to be with you
why not want just as much to be
with me???
Am I not exciting company?
Am I not as fun,
easy, warm and loving???

While we both
wishing the time away
to be with the other
whos so exciting, beautiful,
fun and caring and sexy,
giving and loving and kinky,
good with children, creative and brave...
is it time to enjoy
all that in ourselves?
It is there isnt it?
This funny equation has to be right
so no excuses-
back to my own heart
but wanting and wishing all the same
to keep that big love alive.

Christmas

These cinnamon whirls
the smell fills the house
it fills the veins
of the daughter turned mother

These cinnamon whirls
for all the little girls
in the big big world

The Puppy Eyes

When he looks at you
with the puppy eyes
he is exposed
he is saying
for You I will move mountains
I will stop the river
I will run myself into the ground
if I have to
because I love you
like that

Those puppy eyes
a sure sign
of vulnerability
and an awful lot of
courage

I arrive in November. The hottest one in years they say. Hardly a great start for a European with a 2 year old in her arms. Everyone sweats! There is the strong manly sweat of builders and grass mowers in khaki shorts, proud sweat of jogging men and women, apologetic sweat of other busy mothers pushing the prams loaded with heavy vocal children, and even the air conditioned drivers manage to sweat up their armpits between the cool departure from their perfectly environmentally controlled vehicles and the shops and cafes that they run in and out of. But that’s in the suburbs. Brisbane city seems curiously resistant to this side effect of tropical living- its central streets teaming with perfectly dressed, perfectly clean men and women in suits, white shirts and pencil skirts and not a sweat mark in sight. Women’s perfectly smooth legs completely throw me off my cool as I stare in disbelief. How do they do it? Looks like I will need to seriously step up my skin and hair routine. I sigh.

First few weeks are really hard going. Though my in-laws are helpful and generous with their time and their home three weeks later I am constantly screaming in my head and when I return home to find my freshly washed clothes folded for me and a bottle of air freshener discretely placed next to the bin it becomes clear that we really really need to move out. Luckily just then my Brisbane grown husband finally secures a job and all three of us move into our first house ever! Renting of course- we are far too immature and unaccountable to have invested sensibly or acquired any assets as we enter our thirties. Another one of those cases of “modern young couples” who live from day to day and only have debts to show. Still- the house is charming even if all the wardrobes do smell of urine and there are grease stains all over the kitchen walls. Or what is intended to be a kitchen but really is just a space behind a bar, no bigger than a bartender gets to prepare the exotic labor intensive cocktails at a really swanky tropical bar. I beam as I picture myself blissfully sipping a Piña Colada, fanned by the palm leaves in the garden as my toddler plays contentedly in a water filled shell that seems to be a must for kids in the Brisbane summer.

The bliss doesn’t last. Having finally accepted that I will simply be sweaty every day for the rest of my life I encounter something a lot more disturbing. The cockroaches pay a visit. Every day. God only knows how the buggers get into this securely guarded home with screens across every door and window, they rarely give their little tricks away. They just appear- on ceiling, on walls, on floors, on curtains and every time I scream. Now this particular evening I am typing away at my computer, minding my own business, possibly writing back home to say how fantastic tropical living is and all that jazz, when with a corner of my eye I notice a movement! Yes, there he is- on the kitchen wall right opposite. I don’t even get any time to blink as the cockroach takes off and flies right towards me or rather towards the lamp right behind me, but I haven’t figured that one out. With a terrible scream I dive sideways onto the floor and I am sure a robber with a gun couldn’t have got me doing that any faster. My husband saves my life one more time and I vow to myself to book a ticket back home first thing in the morning. I simply cant see how I can survive in a place where insects the size of humming birds fling their bodies right at my face on a daily basis. What was I thinking?

But as the days unfold, the surface spray does its job and the rains set in to flood us things seem to take a turn for worse and cockroaches temporarily leave my field of awareness. My husband gets man tackled, bruised, arrested and charged and so nearly gives me a heart attack. And guess what. His crime? Running a red light on his pushbike! Unbelievable! I am frustrated out of my head concerning his upcoming court appearance and the threatened thousands of dollars of fine money but I feel reassured that Brisbane really must be a terrifically safe place to live and prosper. Crime? What crime? Drugs, domestic violence, burglaries? Not a problem! Now those rough cyclists though, that’s a different story! They really are a menace! As a seasoned London cyclist I cant decide whether to laugh or cry. Well, I do a bit of both as the magistrate throws the case out of court and sends my husband packing though not without having given him a good finger wagging first. Yes Sir, says Hubby, I should not have done that, gazing at the floor tiles. That’s when I start to worry that we might need to grow up soon. Both. And separately.

A Gift to Self

Trusting that day follows night
and we all will wake

Trusting that faraway homes and cities
still stand

Trusting that your child is safe
and you will hug again

Trusting that friends wont betray
and leave you helpless

Trusting that all the help needed
is within

Trusting that the Earth wont open
but will catch you and hold you
while you dust yourself off
should worse come to worst

Trusting that there is permanence
in love
Permanence in Love

All of this sometimes is
and sometimes isnt

Trusting that it always is right
Is the best gift to Self.

An Old Fairytale

This Princess, like any old Princess
she has beauty and kindness
and she has made the cave cozy
and all the neighbours really like her
But this Princess is not free
A fearsome Dragon her master
Day and night he guards her
with his sulfur breath he warns her
You can not escape
I go where you go
and you are mine
Countless times she has tried to escape
while the beast was asleep
alone she did not get far
a branch broke, a bird chirped
Dragon woke and raged
for days she'd be locked in a cage
crying and pleading until
weary she'd fall asleep...

Now there should be a Prince in this story
A mighty fearless fellow
with a sword that sang of a certain death
with a heart not frightened by any threat
The beautiful Princess he coveted
to a battle with the beast he arrived
three long days (or was it years)
the battle raged and the blood flowed
and every head that the Prince speared
made another three much more fearsome ones grow
Three long days and nights without a rest
fought this Prince now weary and pale
til refreshed by the water that the maiden offered
he speared the heart and down the beast came...

But that was then and this is now
Princesses now are told to grow up
Dragons signed up for some therapy
and Princes- well, who would still agree
that its fair to expect all that from anybody!

There is no happy ending to this story
about a Princess, her Dragon and the handsome Prince.
The cave is still homely and the Princess lives on
and if you ever wander this deep in the woods
listen out, some days you might hear her song
of a dream come true and how once she thought that it would.

I Knew It!

38 hours at a dry cleaners
the office is from here to here
the doctor told me
I could not cope with work
for 2 years or so
but doctor or no doctor
I will try
at least for a while
save some money
but they dont want me
but it isnt like I couldnt cope
38 hours at the dry cleaners
the musicans look like this
when I mention dry cleaners
my daughter says
mum why did you say
38 hours... at the dry cleaners?
It is impossible to break me.

What did you say?
Oh, it is impossible to break me.

I knew it:))!!!

My Anger

Primal anger
It looks like this:

FINE!
I am just fine!
Everything is fine!!
How dare you leave me like this!
You just dont care about me!
Fine!
I dont need you,
I dont need THIS!
I'll be just fine!!!
Everything is fine!!!
I havent been better in fact!


I laugh about this today
Is anger my friend?
Is it a nuisance?
I havent figured out yet
but it is very predictable
and it is starting to bore me,
its got no guts
it wont throw plates around
it wont burn things
or cut clothes
it likes to choke my throat,
use the computer
and wield glitter glue

Pathetic!

I yawn
I stretch
I smile
wave good bye (or show a finger
as the case may be)
til the next time
undoubtedly.
Booooring!

Learning

Trying to untangle
Fear from Intuition
Stale past hurts
from live emotion
This is the hardest task
Made a lot more complicated
by placing most importance
on a heart a few thousand miles away

Being in the moment
You dont exist
Until you surface
Then fade

Rain on my skin matters
A hand on my shoulder matters
Those conversations matter
The camping spots,
kids movies,
bicycle rides
matter and exist
while you're nowhere to be seen

This is a difficult lesson
reconciling
wanting to hear you
wanting to touch you
laugh with you, debate with you,
play with you
this much
with reality
of so very little to hold
but a hole inside me
expanding
and hurting more

I do nothing for now

Different

Today
I look at this face
its different
There's a mirror there
like a lake at midnight
with a moon
two curious eyes

I look at these legs
I dont recognise them
are they mine?
They are slender
and beautiful.
Where have they come from?

I feel for the heart
Its expanded
its taken over
it seems to be breathing me

Pushed further by anger
Being has decided
enough is enough
Take this:
Today is unafraid
Its a brave brave day
And thats OK.

Where Do We Go Now

If I was your wife
it would be my joy
to know you
to be the drug
that loosens your tongue
to be the movie
that makes you laugh
to be the pillow
that holds you and your dreams

If you were my man
you would close like a circle
with me in it
you'd be the ear
that hears
you'd be my erotic fantasy
that always delivers
you'd be my peace
and I'd be your joy

With one foot ahead I've lost it
With the other behind I havent yet got it

Where do we go now?

Two Hungry Lovers

Two hungry lovers they are
out of place
out of time
out of shame
out of mind

Two hungry lovers they have
nothing to hide
nothing to lose
nothing to keep
nothing to gain

Two hungry lovers they have
no fear
no fear
no fear

Two hungry hungry lovers
with no plans beyond that one
to give all
to the ever expanding moment that
requires
needs
demands
and takes
from two very willing givers.

My Grandad

Now there is a surprise
And I never saw it
I look at a little girl
she can never do aything rigth
at home
she is too big, too dumb, too clumsy
and sometimes she
really deserves a beating
being so stupid and difficult
and all that

But the Grandad
Has no doubts
She is the best
She works so hard
Shes like an angel
He wishes she never left
at the end of each summer
he always cries

Sure he drinks
Sure he hits his wife
or tries to
Sure he wets himself
at times
when so drunk.
But-
I was loved
consistently
after all.

I Thank You Grandad.

An Ordinary day

SO this is a homeless hostel. SO the accommodation here is basic with rooms to share, communal facilities and rent to pay. Does it somehow mean that anything goes? Does acquiring the label of “a woman in crisis” instantly negate all the other rules that normally regulate the interactions between humans? I am boiling with rage here today and at times I feel a strong urge to throw up.

Jodie rolled out of bed her dishevelled usual self. Smoking her cigarette eagerly, like a meditation, she proceeds to tell the worker how she’s only got 12 more days before she has to move out. And guess what, the fiancé’s family have finally, and I mean FINALLY come up with an offer to help. A bond for a place for the lovebirds and rent- paid for as long as necessary. “So they’ve saved you like little children” interjects the worker, looking rather aghast. “No” Jodie says. “They decided to help. They have helped his other siblings but have never done anything for David. So they decided to help. They are after all multi millionaires!” I feel the wave of heat rising in my stomach. Jodie must be around fourty, with grown up kids for Christ sakes! Not to mention on the Disability Pension for a mysterious brain condition that stops her from being able to work. Apparently. This isn’t going to be a good day. I seem to have run out of compassion.

Just then things turn for worse. Melanie emerges, mumbling. Plants herself in the seat next to me, lights the cigarette and begins the moan. She asks the worker for a lighter plastic cup to use to make her coffee in… Her own bone condition is playing up today. She is finding it a struggle to hold the mug of coffee. “I am disabled you know, I should be in the wheelchair really!” It is about then that the nausea advances.

In my bedspace first I punch the pillow, then take a deep breath. I fight the desire to run back there and slap these children around the face a few times, then shake them by their shoulders and shout in their faces “get real! What are you doing to yourself! Wake up!” Instead I pull out the box of hair dye and retreat into the bathroom. Cant stand it when the roots are showing. And the grays.

Downstairs all is set for the communal Sunday brekkie. Everyone seems chilled out and there is much joking about getting sucked into Jodie’s schemes of helplessness, all so crafty you totally see how she’s made a career out of it. I suppose with all that time on your hands certain skills are always learnt. Important life skills. Like conning others into giving, making, gifting things to you. Its so smooth most of us are totally unaware we’ve been doing it. Even the workers laugh incredulous as they recall how the Sunday before they were mopping up Jodie’s fiancé’s blood and running down the street to save her. Supposedly. Melanie burps loud and makes a comment about her bowel movements. It makes me look at my sausage and bacon in disgust and others swiftly attempt to move on to other topics. Felicity pipes up:” Well, lucky that with my Bipolar I wasn’t really paying much attention and missed that”. I stare at this woman for a long time as I cant face my food- is she for real? I wonder if I have somehow taken the wrong turn on my way to my intended geographical destination and ended up on planet Saturn. Or Mars. Or somewhere much much deeper into the dark recesses of the Universe where I now live with mutants and cripples and plain weirdoes. God I need to get out of this place.

The Gingers

Something
so magnetic
about these gingers!

Their
wrinkly necks
vulnerable. I am

drawn
to them
immediately. Their colour

promising
bold and
different in such

juxtaposition
with their
shy, blushing demeanour

Hmmm...Maybe not
blushing but
sunburnt

Pessimistic

I see
how the impossible can be done
how unbearable can be endured
how painful can be tolerated
and destructive survived
(though I wouldnt go as far as claim
any of this could be enjoyed)
with constant
vigilant
totally focussed
gentle
and compassionate (even!)
attention
on here and now.

Yeah.
Its not looking too good for me.

Affirmation

Reality is a straight line.
A laser beam cutting through darkness.
The more mind wanders
with
"I Should"
"May Be"
"What If"
the further you spin out
where you cant see
into the black
away from the line
which is the path
taking you
where it takes you
and absolutely
no place else.
At least
you genuinely
have a chance
to be there
if you want to.

Jehova, Honestly!

I am glad I took a moment
Could have easily closed the door
or never opened it in the first place
But hey, I have nothing to hide
and noone to hide from
So I talk to these handsome boys
They say there is evidence in This Book
of- Kingdom!
And a perfectly good
(though no guarantees regarding sane)
explanation
to the reasons for human suffering.
Compassionately they express hope
for me
that a belief in a personified God
could be possible again...
at some point?
perhaps once a loved one passes away
this might scare me enough
to project all my hopes and fears
and irrational childish desires
onto that Good and Loving Father?
No I say, It didnt.
They have given up on instant salvation
for me
but believe, really believe
that all is not lost for me
if only I could see...

I conclude this awkward exchange
(well, I am after all wearing a bikini top)
by lifting my arms
and reading out my rib tattoo:
"Islands Holding Hands" I say
This is my faith.
The boys retreat
with comments on my accent
and the meaning of my name.

Honestly Jehova,
what a waste of time.

Malaika

Today at the concert
A South African love song
I sing as I wonder
How could I be so misunderstood
Thinking if it would be possible
To love more than this

"Though I know you are so far away
In my heart we are together"

I sing it for you
Hoping there can be no misunderstandings
about this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpl8rPQBASU

Personal Frustration

The helpless
the addicts
the alcoholics
the passive aggressives
the depressed
the righteously violent
the entitled
the mentally ill
the borderlines
the bipolars
the thieves
the suicidal
the con artists
the disabled
the child abusers

Growing a thicker skin
I look right through them
To the core,
To the healthy,
To strength.

I look in their eyes.
Bullshit!
Overwhelmed by the desire
to slap them accross the face,
shake them up
and scream
I breath slow

There is no end to this frustration
With the pollution
of air, food and minds
slowly seeping like radiation
into society
deforming and crippling
while we breathe
what we think is fresh
while we eat
what we think is wholesome
while we think
what we're certain
is right
and will get us somewhere
good and happy and plenty...
Growing crippled cucumbers,
poisonous pumpkins
and sick helpless people,
genetically modified
to eliminate the inquiry
but encouraged to want
and need and require more,
an infinate amount really,
desires never satisfied
as that emptiness
can never be filled
with plastic

The heat is broken
Rain falls in slabs
Dancing tango in my living room
I wonder
How did my life
come to feel so complete

Certainty

I stand with you
I am present with you
In all honesty
That is the best I can do

A Disconnected Day

What a disconnected day
The man really tries to evoke
a painful vision
of animal suffering
brown bears and monkeys
but he fails
it is easy to walk away

I try again
with the mother talking Farsi
the whole different continent
written all over her face
and her daughter
a true curiosity
in fluent english
there are moments of connection

I sense the mountain
of life and acts and information
all out of reach
where I am.
Disconnected, arriving all places
just a moment too late
like someone should reload
and start all over
and make movements
match the sound.

Particles Collide?

Pressing a frangipani flower in this card didnt quite work out as I'd hoped. So I kept it. Though not my words, makes a great addittion to yours:))

Just Love You

Walking the Line

There is wanting for you to take me
completely, keenly, in every way
intensely
abandoning myself
my shell no longer needed
once my spirit, my voice, my juice
is in you
Then there is wanting to take you
acutely, fully, mindfully
intensely
noticing everything
in your words, on your skin
your eyes, your heart, your body
at my feet
And there is walking that line
of calm
in between
slipping constantly

My First Love

I have never loved like this before
Somehow I feel, I laugh,
the blood still rushes,
I have a heart to share
in song, in suffering
and with my daughter
but heres the mystery-
my heart is here
but no longer here too.
My heart undoubtedly
has left me
and is now with you.

Just Passing Through

There is no wood to chop today
There is no water to carry
So I scrub the greasy sausage slime
Sweep up the insects and mop
Singing tango tunes
Tears come and go
Exposed and vulnerable I may be
But today I practice what I preach
And it will all be different tomorrow

Utterly Ridiculous

So you are awfully proud
of this new "development"
where in each flat
your chair vibrates
your dry cleaning is delivered
your arse wiped
with triple soft silk laden
toilet paper
oh what a lifestyle
at these riverside apartments!

So have you considered
why she
who works with the
sex workers, the addicts,
the homeless
and is alone
still has to wipe
her own arse,
pick up her own laundry
from the communal machine
and walk to work
if her pay is delayed?

Blow the fuse
stop the computers
all those IT
and marketing dudes
redundant
someone will still need
to wash the infirm
feed the starving
and rescue the children

Amazing development?
How ridiculous.

A Little Glimpse

When the fog lifts,
When the guard falls,
At those times
I see clearly
You come into focus
You are sharp
and genuine
and some little voice says
trust him
may be you should
try to trust him

Quoting G B Shaw

"Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything"

I am not done yet.
P.S. Note to self:

Change
In what has now become a "classic" of Gestalt therapy literature, Arnold Beisser described Gestalt's paradoxical theory of change. The paradox is that the more one attempts to be who one is not, the more one remains the same. Conversely, when people identify with their current experience, the conditions of wholeness and growth support change. Put another way, change comes about as a result of "full acceptance of what is, rather than a striving to be different". (Wikipedia, dont you just love the place!)

Lotu Tamaiti

I just like the name!
The White Sunday
the childrens' Sunday
unheard of
and still celebrated
a river of children
in white frocks
singing
reciting
trying to act
all eyes welling up
at this gathering
of angels

she tells me
and her face
is happiness
it is pride
and love

then she takes an extra blanket
and covers up
the frightened young girl
on the verandah.
Stay here til the morning
she says
you are safe.
Her heart aching.

The Boat Men

All shapes and sizes
though mostly one colour
But funny
how you can always spot
a good father material.
Undoubtedly
absolutely
certainly
do it Dan!

In Your Face

Take Christmas away
please

This man jumps
hoping to hit the deck
he misses
he is rescued
chinese girl not that lucky
or unlucky
whos to say?

More than many can bear
the hype doesnt help
the seasonal pictures
expectations
the whole card game
well you need an address
for starters

Normal products of
a sick society
they must wonder
how after eleven tortuous months
of vile in the headlines
this thing cooked
gets a frilly sugary topping
looking so good
so wholesome
so....beautiful

Normal products of
a sick society
they must wonder
will the lies ever end
so they decide
to end

Take Christmas away
please
keep your mass
and your wine
and your crib
and your bread
it will make for
a lovely intimate gathering

come out
where she picks up the guitar
and stands bold on the street,
singing:
"she calls out
to the man
on the street
Sir,
can you help me"...

Decisions under Duress

It is around this time
and I should add "usually"-
seems that its becoming a regular-
that I decide
unbearable
this is unbearable
I just want to feel safe
and pain free
overall

whats the next step?
two roads diverged in the yellow wood

or may be more
or may be I am off the map
with this one
uncharted territory for me
or back to the hut

My Million Dollar Question

So it still gets me
catches me by the back of my shirt
pushes me over
the sneaky dirty bastard
wispers in my bleeding ear:
Get down
and stay down
come on, give it up
you cant do it
you cant win
I will never leave you
I can do what I want
with you
and whats nearest
and dearest to you
and there will be nothing
you can do
as I destroy it
all
theres no point grasping around
you wont find it
stay down
give up
now now
give up now

Who is this?