Dear viewers,

This round of therapy is now concluded. My lesson- as banal as it sounds- keep finding yourself! It is one of those things that you can not explain until it has happened to you, like childbirth... Though the road there is never easy, it is nothing short of a miracle when it finally happens. And worth every moment of the arduous way.

Wishing you all fascinating journeys and above all else- Peace.

Vita

Going New Age

Sometimes
you just love
and there is absolutely nothing
you can do
to not to

where do you go when you're really really tired of yourself

They are not exciting
these men
but they are honest
sincere and authentic

Some still crave
the thrill of deceit
the pain of the game
the half promise

The choice is always ours

When this pouting child goes to cry
half heartedly
Mother angry, may be just annoyed
Father says
I dont claim to understand others' feelings
but I aim to respect them

Another storm, rivers of rain
I set out to count the raindrops
rather than count my losses
it really isnt about numbers

Scrambled

Hello hello, this is Mars speaking
the signal all scrambled again today
I really cant go a day without hearing your sweet voice
(but you really shouldnt take everything I say literally)
And I will fight for you you know that
(but I dont think you really wanted to know my flight details)
And I admire your emotionality, you dont need to change a thing!
(but enough is enough, hanging up the phone is just unreasonable)
And you are inside me and my words without you are empty
(but lets move on from the recent emails)
And you have awakened me and you have changed me
(but truth be told I myself have no clue yet what to do next)
And my mission is to protect my children
(shit, this is getting scary! this is the only place I can hide!)

Hello hello, Venus here
solar storms here today, can you hear me clearly?
I love you so much, please show me you love me too?
( ushd73509rogu86%uinidf )
I fly accross the world for you and tell the whole world about you
( dnjo\ ihje dpbpo9w884buy(I*_(*&^we qwiou78* )
I want to find a way to be with you but it might take some personal sacrifice?
( kw038089w2htbfvg8dzxcvBASBKJDFH*^ )
Could you come and stay with me for a month?
( JSDFHYBKJCHBIDUFBGKJSNOUGFYRF!!!!!!!! )
I love you and your children with all that I've got
( ksgklkblblblblbblablalblablavblalbla )
I want to live a real life with you
( hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm )
I adore you
( ?????????kjksmflowdlj????? )

Hang on, whats that Mars??? You didnt get that???


Oh sod this.
Honestly. This is hopeless.
Returning to Earth.

Our Stories

Stories are absolutely necessary
and they need to be believable
and I need to believe in mine
like you need to believe in yours
because we need to make sense to ourselves
and get through mostly intact
and funny how one thing they share
is that You couldnt be more wrong.
Yes, no matter which side one looks from
You are so wrong
it is unbelievable You can still live with yourself.
Spinning further and further out into respective orbits
never to brush past again.
Hold on to your story because
WHO would we be without them after all.

Good Bye

done lusting
done loving
done adoring
done admiring
done hoping
done missing
done dreaming
done crying
done waiting
done watching
done searching
done dying
all of that
and more I have done

I am done here.

Meet Me

Baby, lets go to that village
lets make that village
with tomatoe vines, potatoe fields
and free happy chickens
Baby, there is so much work to do
at this village
birthing babies, digging wells,
felting, writing, digging
with dirt up to the elbows
building that house
and when that lake is ready
think about all that swimming!
Baby, think about all those ladies
with nothing to do
and then with a meaning
and that funny boy with no place
he can live with us
and his friends...
May be a ski slope
may be a place of calm and beauty
and an indulgence for the senses
may be a writers retreat
or a place to grow new people
different people, free, courageous people
with mud, a fiddle and a daisy in our hair
Baby, meet me soon,
we have so much work to do!

Just a Hunch

Hugging, meeting with a kiss, inspiration, soothing stroke over shoulders,
favourite book, holding hands, eyes open, two sugars in the coffee,
children's favourite meal, new ideas, christmas cards, doctors appointments, laughing, warm summer nights, singing to a guitar, impatience restrained, starting a fire, a midday phone call, walking to the playground, building a tent, sewing machine, apple peals, wiping off tears, tickles, horoscopes, difficult phone calls, bicycle rides, seeing a play, renewing insurance, anger responsible, toothbrush and toothpaste, a good morning, train rides, heals on cobblestones, hands on the skin, swimming lessons, late night talking, real piano, friends in the pubs, sailing on weekends, getting the butter, herb garden, school plays,teenage years, the new album, job searching, changing the sheets, forgiveness, car driving and parking, beach and the sunscreen, hospitals, morning breath, changing the lightbulb, the school run, poetry in the bath, sobs and embraces, foreign travel, shoulder rides, new shoes, shameless flirting, comedy on the couch, veggie lasagna, noticing beauty, funerals, fairy lights, in-laws, full moon, sleeping bags, orgasms, soft bits and sweating, naked swimming, composting, sharing ice cream, clean socks, paintings, tiredness, new inner tubes, answering machine, passionate kissing, washing the dishes, a lid for the pot, a butterfly puzzle, trusting, touching intimately, feeding the fish, tango, a folk dance, surprises, compromises, honesty, buttered toast, briefs and boxer shorts, open heart... Thats a good start.

To the Viking Woman

She is stunning
with pride
with passion
with courage

She is singing
eyes closed
voice fierce
or tender

She knows
the right and wrong
the weak and strong
and where she belongs

She hugs her sisters
heart to heart
and soul to soul
and a bit of a Mother in it

She is stunning
she is singing
and she belongs.
Fiercely
in love.

A Grotesque Fantasy on Attachment

Imagine a barnacle
permanently attached to the rock
getting to know the rock
in rain or shine
and the 24 hourly variations
and the monthly and annual rhytms
relying on the rock to be in the right place
to ensure access to sea nourishment
relying on the rock to
never move
never leave
never crumble
never disappear

Nothing can ever go wrong for a barnacle.
Or the falling leaf.
Or any other thing without
an ambition
an emotion
a mind
a thought

For the rest of us
they say the freedom is in letting go
if freedom is what you are after

Joy

If I had to sum up a year in a word
I would call it Awakening.
My soul awoke to the larger scheme of things
and to the infinite expressed in the moment
My eyes awoke to the truth of my marriage
My heart awoke to the calling of love
My body awoke and was shaken by the passions and pleasures of lust

My mind confused a lot
but then again
you try looking at the back of your head
it isnt easy
even with the mirror

Now awake, having tasted life so delicious
I am hungry for more.
But this year
I'm after more joy.
Pure, easy, honest, brave and trusting joy.

Many many moments
like a string of beads
of that feeling where we say
"this feels Just Right"!

Focus

To feel her happy is my happiness
when we all give up and it is too late
he rolls in the grass and
she bursts out laughing
it is delicious- a little girls laugh
everyone is touched
everyone smiles from ear to ear
may be they even catch themselves thinking
one of those looks like fun,
one of those wouldnt be too bad after all...
And I cant stop wondering
how for all our thinking
life points us to our places
with its suggestively
concretely
insistant
finger.

Connections

On this holiday lunchtime bus
five ladies
gray hair and wrinkles
bags on wheels and
stony lifeless faces.

I worry about myself
one day
catching that bus
to get my loaf and the bottle
with my wheely bag
with life all but dead and gone out of me
an endless blur of daytime television
waiting for me at home.

There has to be a better way
to use the resources
to make the connections-
my new year's resolution.

A Case of Failed Negotiations

she thinks she needs more than shes getting
he thinks he should be exempt due to exceptional circumstances

both watch it fail

one can say they lacked love and understanding
though there isnt any evidence to support this

what do they lack???

An OMG Moment

Driven on by unshakeable faith
that it is possible to find the roots
of my own mental structures
and learn to navigate,
and build and perform maintenance
in an increasingly intelligent way-
I strike gold!

There is a voice inside.
It speaks of what I stand for
it fights for what matters,
for values, it is true and honest.
Occassionally it hears and sees that
what does not align with any of these.
It raises the hand and shouts
"HELLOOOOOO?!! not happy with this!
This isnt who we are!!!!"
But trained through the years
at the academy of Worthlesness
I suppress this guide
I say no this doesnt hurt,
I'll deal with it.
I say nothing.
The fear floods me
as I await the consequences.
I label the feeling "sick" and "pathological",
I convince myself I am just slightly schizophrenic.
I reject that part of me
that is the purest
and my most trustworthy friend.
And this for years, time after time...
No wonder its scared now
to speak up
frightened to get rejected
all over again.
And not by the other.
By itself!

It is a gift
that this seeing has occurred.
It is luck that the voice
has never given up.
Endurance in the face of rejection
over and over again
like
in
Love.

I invite Forgiveness.
I am completely overwhelmed
and know there is no other way
but to honour and respect
the voice within.
I will call that voice
ME.
After all these years
I stand face to face with ME.

Safe

Watching the mind games is fascinating:

She texts
He doesnt answer
her body is burning
it is all wrong
and then an answer comes
and as if by magic
HE has made the world a Safe place.
It stops spinning and she is safe...
But how can his words
make any difference to her equanimity???
The world is still as it is-
as safe and dangerous as a moment before
She is still as she is-
as safe or endangered as a moment before
Nobody's words can make
any difference
to REALITY.
Sticking to reality
stripping the stories we tell ourselves
when did we lose this skill?
Was it thousands of years ago
or was it thirty?

Time to remind herself:
She is safe.
Ultimately she is always safe.
Nothing can destroy her
because what is important
is indestructible
and the rest
is temporary anyway.
This is OK.
Whatever happens to her
is OK.
Reality is always OK.
Whatever happens to her
has got nothing to do
with Him
where her safety is concerned
physical, emotional or otherwise...
Poor Man.
What a burden to carry.

She is safe.
She is always safe.