Thank You

You know who you are
And Thank You
For that chat
For the closeness
For those pointers

Validating each other
We've increased
the good,
the safe,
the peaceful

Never having tried it
in my language
I wonder if my inner mind
Has been misunderstanding always

Esmu miers
Esmu drosiiba
Esmu speeks

Oh what the hell:)
I really am getting
nowhere with this

Always leaving

I am not depressed
I am not even sad
I am empty
You would hear an echo
bouncing off some internal part of me
if you tried
whispering your name
in me

Always leaving
I crave staying
Some place
My place
And peace

Is that called
Growing Up?

Actually
Ageing might be
more appropriate...
I wonder where did the
middle bit go

I Miss You

Dropping all pain
Self protection
Self interest
Selfishness

i miss you

i just do
and I love you
and you are amazing
you really are
all of you

Words

Worshipping words
Big mistake

Should have known better

Load of hot air

"For Better Latvia"
we all know
what those russians
actually mean

Falling for words is
the most stupid thing
one can do.

Damn this.

A brave beautiful person

Where the hell are you all
getting this from?

Well Thank You
I am glad I inspire some
Or serve as an example to others
Or WHATEVER

Then why the hell is it such a nightmare
to be ME???

Bugger this
Drunk on Black Balzams
Numb enough
I'll be anything to anyone.

But what about tomorrow???

Facing My Addiction

Its an addiction
Like any other

A rug pulled from under my feet
I fall, stomach churning
I panic
I send a text
I call
I email
I get a reply
I talk
I laugh
I have had my fix

Until the next time.
Tomorrow?
I should be so lucky...
in a few hours
is a lot more likely

It is living hell.
My liver might be clean
My kidneys still alright
But that heart attack will
definitely get me.

That Emotions Anonymous leaflet
Will come in handy after all.

Going cold turkey indeed.

Being on your own

I think he meant it
as a good thing
"You had to be on your own
a lot"

Well,
Thats where all my
problems started
I said

He was silent
But I suspect
He didnt quite agree

Who on Earth
likes to be alone
a lot?
And who likes and needs that
when they are 1?

32 years later
I need a lesson in being alone
and cohabiting with the panic.

I'll just have to.